The limerick?
There once was a form made for those
Who found it more fun than mere prose;
Limerick was its name,
But it never found fame,
But why? It’s so fun! Oh, who knows?
All right, so the limerick was never quite up there in literary circles’ highest echelons, so I can’t really lament its fall from grace too much because, well, it was never really in grace. It never caught on in the same way as the sonnet, the haiku or, y’know, just talking normally. But when it was invented (by Thomas Aquinas, supposedly), it had so much promise.
It was the next big thing, the world was told. It would replace iambic pentameter. There were even talks of a limerick translation of The Bible – ultimately scrapped due to its brevity:
In the story of young Jesus Christ,
Maybe three lines will suffice:
He was born and He died
(Indeed, crucified)
But He came back to life, which was nice.
But like Peter Cook to follow, the limerick’s comic talent was consigned to obscenity – making it funnier to some. Sadly, I can’t give examples here. This column doesn’t lend itself to the story of the man from Nantucket.
Thankfully, the internet is bringing about a comeback, in the form of ‘anti-limericks’ such as the following:
There once was a man from Japan
Whose limericks just wouldn’t scan;
When asked why this was,
He answered, “Because
I always cram as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.”
With your help, we can give limericks the publicity they deserve. And for those of you don’t know how to write one, here’s a handy template:
There once was an X from place B,
That satisfied predicate P,
He or she did thing A,
In an adjective way,
Resulting in circumstance C.
Happy limericking.

1. Rasputin
That massive blue text thing really, really annoys me.
2. gertrude
There was a young dog from Hastings
who was always having a basting
he said “This is shit”
and went into a molly fit
when he realised he didn’t have a rhyming word to end…...
3. Rasputin
Pasting? Tasting? Wasting?
www.rhymezone.com (hee)
4. gertrude von fluffy
thanks rasp
There was young dog from hastings
who was always having a basting
he said “This is shit”
and went into a molly fit
when the f*cking cat gave him a pasting…meeow
I don’t approve of the overt military message contained in this limerick
5. gertrude von fluffy
The was a cute cow from Ystrad Gynlais
whose calf suffered from—- er
(ok www.rhymezone.com has no rhymes for ystrasgynlais now what do I do, apart from STFU?)
I KNOW! I KNOW ! HEADLICE!
SO:
There was a cute calf from Ystrad Glynlais
whos calf suffered from headlice
he got rather itchy and this made him quite bitchy
err- er
so Mark gave him some advice lol :(
( And someone else, unnamed, completley agreed with mark as usual)
6. gertrude von fluffy
And I dare anyone to say this is off topic.
7. Mark
How about;
This made the young calf quite a bitch,
So the thing was shot and buried in a ditch.
Good luck with the elections, Chris. Last time when you polled approximately a whooping 1.8% of the vote, or 0.3% of eligible voters, you declared it a big electoral success that had given you a mandate. One can only guess at what you would have called a real victory, though I suspect we won’t find that out this year either.