Revision. Odds are that you are reading this column because you’re desperately trying to avoid doing any. Heck, that’s why I’m writing it.
But is revision all bad? Let’s weigh up the evidence:
Bad
- Learning is dull.
- You suddenly realise that the whole year’s lecture notes haven’t been put onto Blackboard. A little wee comes out.
- It’s really sunny outside. You are not outside.
- Having been stuck in your room revising all day, when you finally get to see your friends you have nothing to say to them.
- On the same note, being cooped up all day makes the outside world very scary. All of a sudden, you suspect everyone of surreptitiously carrying knives.
- Unlike lecture theatres, writing on the furniture in your house makes you lose your bond.
Good
- You can examine all the snack opportunities of your corner shop.
- TEA!
- You will not miss anything in Friends, Neighbours or Scrubs, as you will watch them all four times a day. Sometimes in succession.
- Your senses will be so dulled that any moving colours or sounds will suddenly become amazing. Really. Even ITV1.
- Parcels are one of God’s finest inventions. If any are delivered, you will be in the house to accept them.
- Your room will never be tidier than when you have to revise.
- You can text in The Hits’ new show; send your name and they’ll display facts about that person on telly. Mixed success so far: I’ve gotten ‘Fred West lived at 25 Cromwell Street. With his wife Rosemary he kidnapped young women, of whom they murdered 12 and hid their bodies at the house’ on screen, but ‘Timothy McVeigh’ just resulted in some facts about a man who runs a pub in Yorkshire. Think of your own mass murderers, and join the fun.
- You might pass your exams.
