University of thieves

by Nathan Allen     Issue 911

LMU's senior staff should be dealt with like any other fraudsters

Regardless of what high-ranking position you occupy, stealing is stealing. So when a university fudges its numbers in order to gain more funding from the government, those in the wrong deserve to be prosecuted.

London Metropolitan University (LMU) are alleged to have bled an extra £36 million out of the Higher Education Funding Council for England (HEFCE) by stating that they had more students than they actually did.

Read article Comment

Legalise it? What are you on?

by Alex Evans     Issue 911

Despite what any think tank says, legalising drugs wouldn't do any good

Drugs. Aren’t they great, eh? On any given day, you can probably find me in the corner of my room, rocking back and forth in the dark, having a grand old time with my cocaine reserves.

There’s nothing illegal about saying this, or printing it in a newspaper (at least, if you’re reading this), but there is a slight legality consideration when it comes to actually taking them. Drugs are sort of not allowed.

Read article Comment (27)

Face facts and raise the cap on fees

by Jonathan Sims     Issue 911

The current level of tuition fees is economically unviable and has to rise

American-style £20,000 per year university fees being introduced in UK institutions? Surely a time of economic recession is not the right point to be proposing such plans. With the average UK university graduate already coming out of study with debts of up to £23,000, the new proposals have inevitably not been met with great enthusiasm by the student body.

However, there is perhaps a lot to gain from adopting the funding measures which maintain Ivy league colleges at the top of the world for academic teaching and research. The debate surrounds the current cap on British university fees of £3,245 per year which cannot be increased independently by any institution regardless of league table position or course.

Read article Comment

We all deserve to do community service

by Damian Fantato     Issue 911

Philip Laing deserved to walk free this week; we are all just as bad

Students are dicks. Yes, you heard me. I said students are dicks. That includes you. And yes, that includes me. You and me, we’re both dicks. You might ask be asking yourself why I’m saying this. Well, you dick, I’ll tell you.

Remember that student who urinated on a war memorial? You probably don’t. Last month, one Phillip Laing was charged with outraging public decency after the Daily Mail published a photo of him giving a long, warm shower to a war memorial after a night out on the piss. The student, who attends Sheffield Hallam University, would now be less welcome at the Royal Chelsea Hospital than a Portuguese paedophile at the McCann’s house.

Read article Comment (2)

Murdered for their fat

by Rhiannon Lake-Edwards     Issue 911

Recent reports of killings in Peru for human fat to be traded on the black market show just how sick the cosmetics industry has become

Ever wondered what goes into your favourite face cream? The next time you are tempted to dip into your student loan and indulge yourselves with ‘must-have’ cosmetics, you may want to check the label first, as it appears some anti-wrinkle creams on the market may contain more disturbing ingredients than could possibly be imagined.

A recent investigation has uncovered that a Peruvian gang have allegedly killed dozens of people and drained their bodies of fat to be used in cosmetics. The remains of the victims, found in shallow graves in the Peruvian jungle, were said to have been kidnapped and killed by a criminal gang for human fat trafficking. The liquid is said to be worth $15,000 per litre. Police believe the fat was sold on the black market to cosmetic companies in Europe, and later bought as anti-winkle creams.

Read article Comment (2)