Students are dicks. Yes, you heard me. I said students are dicks. That includes you. And yes, that includes me. You and me, we’re both dicks. You might ask be asking yourself why I’m saying this. Well, you dick, I’ll tell you.
Remember that student who urinated on a war memorial? You probably don’t. Last month, one Phillip Laing was charged with outraging public decency after the Daily Mail published a photo of him giving a long, warm shower to a war memorial after a night out on the piss. The student, who attends Sheffield Hallam University, would now be less welcome at the Royal Chelsea Hospital than a Portuguese paedophile at the McCann’s house.
Laing, who has no recollection of the night out, was told that he could potentially go to jail, but as it happens, he will probably face the gruelling prospect of 250 hours of community service and pay £185 towards costs (I know, it sounds awful doesn’t it). The University will also be bringing disciplinary action against Laing.
As the judge pointed out: “No one forced you to take all this drink, or forced it down you, or persuaded you to commit a criminal offence. You did that all by yourself and you must take responsibility.”
Now let’s get one thing straight; I am, broadly-speaking, a pacifist. I don’t like war, but I will still acknowledge that soldiers who die for their country, or for an ideal that the country represents, are worthy of a certain respect.
What Laing did was probably pretty repulsive, but, since he claims not to have known at the time where he was sprinkling his golden rain, he probably doesn’t deserve to be judged on the fact that he urinated on a war memorial. He is, however, guilty of being a dick, just like the rest of us.
Students are the most contemptible bunch of human beings on the planet. We are young, lazy and arrogant. We go out every night, get pissed and make tits out of ourselves. Everything we do is essentially self-fuelling.
Take student politics: nothing else manages to be so self-important yet so pointless. Or this: I, a student, am writing this article for the benefit of you, more students, for no other reason than writing in a newspaper. If this were a ‘proper’ newspaper I would at least be able to claim that I was doing you a favour. As it happens, the only person I’m serving is myself.
Sadly, however, being a dick isn’t an offence and hence Laing didn’t deserve to go to prison. He does, however, deserve to do 250 hours of community service. We all probably deserve 250 hours of community service. Some people probably deserve more. You know who you are. Dicks.
1. Adam Johns
What the hell is this nutter writing about? This ‘article’ is littered with insane assumptions about the attitudes and outlook of the general student population and whether or not they have heard about this case. I would argue that fallen soldiers command more respect amongst ordinary students than this clown trying to be ‘edgy’ gives them credit for. And you WOULD have to be extremely depraved to piss on a war memorial, it just isn’t something right thinking people do.
And what was the out-of-nowhere reference to the missing-feared-murdered child Madeleine McCann in aid of?
2. Lianne Wilson
Speak for yourself.
The war memorial thing has been in both the gair rhydd and the Metro this very week, as well as God knows where else. It’s a bit of a stupid assumption that no-one will remember except you.
“Students are the most contemptible bunch of human beings on the planet”. I’m sorry, what? Which planet is this? Because the one I’m on has contained serial killers, dictators, racists, genocidal loonies, rapists, murderers, abusers, violent spouses, child killers, abductors, extortionists, liars, cheats, thieves, bigots, paedophiles, robbers, thugs, fascists, communists, cultists, warmongers and Uwe Boll.
This isn’t an article, this is Spar-… um, I mean trolling.