People often talk about how hard it is to write. The words don’t come, they say. Their mind goes blank. It’s frustrating. People talk less often about how hard it is to literally write something. To type without backspacing needlessly, deleting and rewriting, deleting and rewriting, addingt letterss to thea end of wordsa,
highlighting text for no reason,
reading what you’ve written aloud until the words make no sense and having to include random lemon words because…well, you just have to. That’s frustrating.
You see, I suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I am, however, incredibly lucky: my afflictions are mild and, to an extent, controllable. They’re inconvenient, not incapacitating. I count everything, I wash my hands too often, I sometimes have to turn certain ways and when writing I suffer the obsessive compulsions mentioned above – though, obviously, equally obsessive editing prevents my essays reading like the last paragraph (I’m also keen to point out to any potential employers that it’s a problem I’m rapidly overcoming). These difficulties haven’t taken over my life. I’m one of the lucky ones.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is, cruelly, one of the most widely unrecognised mental illnesses in the world. Associated in general perception with excess handwashing and checking that doors are locked and ovens are turned off, it is hard to persuade people that it has the potential to make life unliveable. It is, after all, one of the ten most debilitating illnesses known to man.
This is according to the WHO (i.e. the World Health Organisation, rather than Pete Townshend and co.), and its place in the ‘top ten’ is based on loss of income and decreased quality of life. Sufferer Dan Blackwell experienced the devastating effects of OCD first-hand, agreeing, “It is debilitating, yeah. Back in 1995, I had my worst ever episode. I was literally moving from the chair to the bed, and from the bed to the chair. I was handwashing two to three hundred times a day. I was having constant panic attacks. I went from being 16 stone to having a 20-inch waist in about six months. I was told I’d either end up in a hospital or dead.”
Colin Putney of leading charity OCD Action acknowledges that admitting to having the condition is incredibly hard. “I covered it up for 35 years,” he says. “I never admitted it to family, friends, girlfriends…now I’m open with it.”
He adds, “The main [symptoms of OCD] are counting, checking, hoarding, symmetry and fear of harming people, but it changes.”
A famous example of someone suffering from OCD in its most extreme form is multibillionaire entrepeneur Howard Hughes. Hughes, whose story can be seen played out by Leonardo DiCaprio in The Aviator, built up an enormous financial empire before succumbing completely to a debilitating form of OCD thought to have plagued him since childhood, ultimately disappearing from public view altogether.
“Three copies of the same magazine were always presented to him,” writes Charles Higham. “Hughes would reach out, his hands and arms swathed in paper like an Egpytian mummy’s, and delicately, with infinite slowness, remove the middle magazine from its companions. He would repeat, over and over again, the instructions for the other magazines to be burned.” One of Hughes’ own instructions reads, “Use six or eight thickness’ of Kleenex pulled one at a time from the slot in the box…then fit them over the doorknob and open the bathroom door. Please leave the bathroom door open so there will be no need to touch anything when you leave.” Hughes died after nearly 20 years living as a recluse.
But before any OCD sufferers reading this feel too demoralised, take heart in the thousands upon thousands who have overcome OCD to live a normal life – Dan Blackwell, for example. And, for the Heat magazine readers among you, there are many celebrities who refused to let the condition hold them back in their quest for superstardom.
Among others, Jessica Alba, Billy Bob Thornton, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Paul Gascoigne, Natalie Appleton and Cameron Diaz have all confessed in the past to having some form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Diaz’s case is particularly interesting: not dissimilarly to Howard Hughes, she opens doors with elbows to avoid touching supposedly germ-infested doorknobs. This may seem overtly paranoid to many people, but to Diaz and other contamination OCD sufferers, it is necessary. Why it is necessary is another matter.
David Beckham, meanwhile, admits to an obsession with symmetry. In fact, his wife Victoria admitted it for him; in her own, inimitable words: “He’s got that obsessive compulsive thing.” She explained how their fridges are co-ordinated, saying, “Everything is symmetrical. If there’s three cans of Diet Coke, he’d throw one away rather than having three – because it has to be an even number.”
This suggests the ex-England football captain has issues with counting as well as symmetry. Counting is a common affliction for OCD sufferers, and perhaps my own biggest problem. Like Ronseal, it does exactly what it says on the tin: sufferers count to ensure there is the ‘right’ number of something. For Beckham it’s cans of drink in a fridge; for others, it’s pens lined up on a table, coins in a pocket or even bricks in a wall (although obviously this one isn’t changeable – merely ‘countable’).
For (1) me, (2) it’s (3) words (4). For some time now I’ve found myself unable to stop myself counting the number of words being said in a conversation, in my speech and in others’. Usually they have to be divisible by three. Sometimes five. Either way, it makes me add extra words when I’m talking, to make up the numbers. Sherbert. Fortunately, I talk too much to be able to count after a while.
I’m not detailing my condition to be labelled a ‘freak’ by anyone reading, nor less for personal attention. I am simply trying to draw attention to some of the many different forms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, in the hope that non-sufferers might begin to understand, and that sufferers can perhaps diagnose themselves and seek a more medical opinion than my own.
So, here’s the breakdown for you. Two important afflictions are Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). The former is symptom-based, while the latter refers to a group of personality traits found together in some individuals. It is generally asymptomatic, with the condition being shown through characteristics rather than behaviour.
Now, this is where you have to be wary of paranoia. Having the following personality traits is not tantamount to having OCPD, and they are only a problem if they interfere with day-to-day living. Characteristics include perfectionism, indecisiveness and a preoccupation with detail, as well as an excessive devotion to work, a tendency to hoard possessions and an insistence upon doing things a certain way. Of course, these personality traits can be perfectly harmless, beyond irritating the hell out of those around you – but if you think you may have OCPD, it is best that you seek confirmation from a specialist.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, meanwhile, is more easily identified. There are obsessions and there are compulsions. The clichéd actions of public perception’s OCD stereotype – handwashing, checking and so on – are compulsions: thoughts or more commonly actions that a person sees as necessary to reduce anxiety.
These can be based on (sometimes skewed) logic or superstition, and are often recognised by the sufferer him- or herself to be irrational. Carrying them out, however, alleviates concern, even when they are completely unrelated to an anxiety – for example, turning around three times will not prevent the roof falling in, but the fact it does not ‘confirms’ the compulsion’s efficacy. It is, in a way, not unlike taking a placebo.
The concern over the roof falling in, if a recurring fear, is an obsession. Obsessions, in this context, are recurrent thoughts, ideas or images imprinting themselves upon the mind. They can take on very disturbing forms; forms the sufferer would consciously never even think of entertaining, such as killing a relative or raping a child. The recurrence of such horrific thoughts and images explains why OCD Action’s Colin Putney says, “It’s a secret illness. People are embarrassed by their thoughts.” The sufferer will almost exclusively attempt to atone for them, even though they are not his or her fault. This often leads to compulsions.
Regular superstitious rituals can arise from the desire to ‘make up’ for such thoughts. Often these are based on apparent logic but exaggerated – for example, Cameron Diaz’s attempt to avoid germs on doorknobs – but many are irrational. These include everyday superstitions: for example, seeing a solitary magpie may trigger an obsession over a loved one dying (“One for sorrow, two for joy” etc.); saluting said magpie to prevent any unexpected bereavement is an immediate compulsion. I’m not alone in touching wood if anyone mentions future prosperity, and I don’t even believe in it as a superstition, as some do. It is just an automatic compulsion.
Obviously this doesn’t mean everyone with a superstition has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder; simply that it is more understandable than some may think. Sadly, this leads many to underestimate the potentially devastating power of OCD.
“The problem,” explains Dan, “is that the medical world and the Government don’t recognise what it is. I was refused a DLA (Disability Living Allowance) five times. They don’t realise the severity of it. They said, ‘Oh yeah, I know someone with that; I’ve got it a bit; we’ve all got it a bit, haven’t we?’”
Dan’s answer is an increased awareness in the media. “It’s only through the likes of David Beckham, Steven Gerrard and Trisha coming out and talking about it that we can raise awareness. I don’t know if it’s his PR company or what, but Beckham won’t talk about it. And he can be a really positive role model. The answer is a constant, in-your-face, on-screen, ‘You need to get checked’ campaign.”
And what can the two percent of the population who suffer from OCD do in the meantime? “Do as much research as you can. Understand OCD fully. Once equipped with the tools, you can deal with it. It’s a horrible illness to have, I’m not going to lie about that. But with the right CBT, it can be conquered.”
CBT stands for cognitive behavioural therapy. It involves sufferer and therapist working towards rationalising dysfunctional beliefs and looking for alternative ways of dealing with obsessions, compulsions and the anxiety surrounding them. Both Dan and Colin are huge exponents of the treatment; in Colin’s words, it’s “the only therapy that works.”
Although cognitive behavioural therapy is by far the best way to tackle OCD, it does not have to be the first step. Discussing experiences is a good way to start. As well as running workshops, publishing a magazine and striving to increase awareness, OCD Action runs support groups for people suffering from OCD, Body Dysmorphic Disorder (“imagined ugliness”), Trichotillomania (compulsive hair-pulling) and CSP (compulsive skin-picking). “Most support groups consist of half a dozen people round a table swapping experiences,” explains Colin. “It’s sort of like Alcoholics Anonymous. You can reveal very personal things, knowing they won’t leave the room.”
Also like Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step is admitting to having a problem. It can take OCD sufferers years or even decades to seek professional help; support groups can help them come to terms with their condition. Colin is keen to add, though: “But only therapy can make you better. Go to the doctor immediately and get diagnosed. Then seek cognitive behavioural therapy.”
I do advise anyone who thinks they may have OCD to get a diagnosis from their doctor. I may not have been altogether clear in my attempts to explain the condition, but that’s partly because it is so individual to each person. For those wanting to know more, I recommend the book and self-help manual Understanding Obsessions and Compulsions by Dr. Frank Tallis. The charity OCD Action is an excellent port of call, as is OCD-UK. Both have websites easily found on Google, and contacts within.
As anyone who saw Hollyoaks’ brief flirtation with an OCD storyline will know, it can affect students hugely. Living in a student house doesn’t help anyone who may have cleanliness issues, let alone contamination OCD. On average, the condition affects men most commonly in late adolescence and women in their early twenties, so it is important that students are aware of it.
It is also important for people to be understanding, even if they don’t understand. Dan’s advice is not to “ridicule” friends with OCD, and I concur. To anyone who takes offence to seeing the rim of a glass wiped after they’ve used it, it really is nothing personal; it may seem hard to believe, but it’s not. And to anyone who actually licks the rim of the glass out of protest – well, that’s just not very nice, is it?
Perhaps the most important thing is for sufferers not to feel ashamed. As Dan says, “Never feel bad about having Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I mean, I say to people, ‘I’ve never chased a granny down the street with an axe.’ I’m just eccentric.”
And you know what? As long as it’s under control, a little bit of eccentricity is not such a bad thing (21).
