My name is Daniella. I’m a section editor for gair rhydd, I’m the president of a society with over 200 members, I have lots of great friends and I am doing well in my degree. I also tried to kill myself in my first year at university.

Depression is an illness which can affect anyone; male or female, young or old, student or non-student. In Wales today, there are over 250,000 people suffering from depression. Amongst the student population, it is impossible to tell how many people are suffering from depression, but it is clearly an issue; whilst depression is not necessarily believed to be more prevalent amongst students than their non-student peers, depression is the most common issue for which university counsellors are consulted.

Of 747 students receiving counselling at Cardiff University’s Student Support Service in 2008-2009, 362 were suffering from depression.

The factors involved in the development of depression are complicated, and often involve a combination of biological, psychological and social factors. Whilst depression is often attributed to a chemical imbalance in the brain, it is not fully understood what causes this imbalance – sometimes depression can be linked to an event or trigger such as bereavement or a relationship breakdown, but sometimes depression can have no obvious cause.

For students, the stress of moving away from home to a new environment can be contributing factor, with pre-existing vulnerability combining with new stresses to trigger depression. In particular, financial problems have been shown to correlate with depression in students.

For me, a struggle with depression pre-dated university. For various reasons I had been deeply unhappy for several years, and had first cut myself at around 14-years-old. Despite having a good circle of friends I felt extremely disconnected from everyone else, and would take out this frustration on myself. I refused to acknowledge this as a problem since I still performed well at school, and my cuts rarely scarred.

Whilst I knew I wasn’t happy, I looked forward going to university. I believed moving out of home and immersing myself in university life would enable to finally shrug off the deep dissatisfaction with myself that had plagued me for so long.

However, university did not provide the miracle cure I had been hoping for. I enjoyed my course and had made some great new friends, but I still felt deeply unhappy. I continued to ignore the problem and instead focused on getting drunk; something which was easy to do as a fresher.

My boyfriend could see my drinking was about more than being a fun-loving fresher and becoming an issue, but discussing it just caused arguments. He provided an easy outlet for my frustration and I centred my problems on him – eventually the constant arguments proved too much and we broke up shortly before Christmas. Now unable to blame someone else for my unhappiness, things soon spiralled and I begun cutting myself again and drinking more heavily than ever.

Eventually I accepted that I was depressed and couldn’t cope on my own anymore, so plucked up the courage to go to the doctors, who prescribed anti-depressants and sent me to the Student Support Centre for counselling. Neither helped. I found the counselling counter-productive, forcing me to discuss painful issues without giving me any help to address or overcome them, and I dreaded the sessions. The anti-depressants, after several months, still had absolutely no effect.

The fact that I had finally acknowledged that I had depression and was receiving help yet still felt worse than ever filled me with despair – I was doing all I could to get better but just felt increasingly worse. I was physically exhausted all of the time, yet I could barely get up in the morning and consequently missed many of my lectures. After another trip to the doctors I was prescribed sleeping tablets, but I still couldn’t sleep, even when I took double the recommended dosage, so I gave up.

I stopped caring about everything. On nights out I would get excessively drunk in search of oblivion, and often looked forward to getting back home where I could hurt myself. I felt totally disconnected from everyone, as if I wasn’t really there. My flatmate was very supportive, but I still felt completely alone. I couldn’t tell my family, especially after seeing my parents’ reaction to my sister’s depression.

Eventually I realised that I no longer wanted to live. It was a gradual realisation – I cared less and less about the future, and found the thought of dying comforting. Every time I went to bed I prayed I wouldn’t wake up the next day. Eventually I admitted to my ex-boyfriend that I was suicidal, but promised that I wouldn’t act on it. I had meant it – I knew what a selfish act suicide would be, and thought I couldn’t do that to my family and friends.

In the mean time my work had suffered a lot, as even when I could motivate myself I found it impossible to concentrate on anything. At one point I considered dropping out of university, but realised this was not a real solution. Luckily I had an amazing personal tutor who helped organise extensions on essays, and her support was invaluable. As end of year exams approached, she suggested I was in no fit state to take my exams and advised me instead to take them during the retake period in the summer. I refused, seeing this as failing, and decided to just get through them.

I managed to get through exams, but my lack of interest in life still haunted me – I’d stopped looking when I crossed roads because I didn’t care anymore. One night I was out with friends celebrating my flatmate’s birthday and something snapped, so I abruptly left without telling anyone and went back to my halls. On the way home I called my ex-boyfriend, but after a fairly incoherent conversation, I hung up.

When I got back to my halls, I started drinking again. I locked my door, finished a bottle of wine and started writing a suicide note as I downed vodka, paracetamol and sleeping tablets.

The next thing I remember I was hooked up to a drip in hospital. Apparently my ex-boyfriend had called me back, I had told him what I had done and he had made me give the phone to my flatmate. An ambulance had been called and I was taken to Llandough Hospital, which had its own poisons unit.

Everyone in the poisons unit had also overdosed, and I actually found it comforting to be surrounded by people who understood how I felt. My family had come up to Cardiff, but as soon as they left for the night and I was left alone to contemplate my actions my only regret was that I hadn’t taken enough tablets to die.

When I was about to be discharged, a doctor spoke to me and explained that I had been in a coma for a short period of time after overdosing, and that the main reason I had survived was because I had drunk so much alcohol that I had thrown up most of the tablets.

My parents had talked to me in hospital, but afterwards they never mentioned my depression or my suicide attempt again. My depression did improve thanks to the support of friends and other family members, and I realised I had recovered when I could actually start thinking about the future with optimism.

After returning to university for second year, I immersed myself in university life and have enjoyed every minute of it. I still have low periods and depressive moods, during which I worry that the level of depression I experienced in first year will return, but so far depressive episodes have been thankfully brief. I acknowledge my low moods instead of trying to ignore them, and find this, along with keeping myself busy, has really helped me.

For students suffering from depression there are a lot of support options available, but many people, particularly young men, do not access any form of help. Denise Meyer is the project leader for the Students Against Depression website, funded by depression-focused charity the Charlie Waller Memorial Trust.

“In a bid to reach high risk groups known to under-use professional services, the charity decided to fund the development of a student-focused self-help website for depression. The key idea with the site is that it does not just offer an ‘expert’ perspective on depression – it was developed in collaboration with students who had themselves been affected by depression, and continues to benefit from student input via the ‘blogring’ on the site.”

The ‘blogring’ consists of a group of students suffering from depression who are keeping a blog for an academic year. The blog documents their strategies for overcoming their depression and supporting each other.

“The aim is to show that depression is experienced differently by different people, and that there are many effective strategies for challenging and overcoming depression.”

In Cardiff, Nightline is a valuable source of support for students. A branch of the National Nightline Association, Cardiff Nightline provides support and assistance to students by their peers. Sally Wood, Nightline Co-ordinator, says: “Nightline is there for any student to talk over any issues they are having with depression or any other problems. Calls regarding depression are relatively common and our volunteers are provided with expert training to help them deal with these specifically. Students suffering with mental health issues may feel more confident to use a phoneline rather than seek direct help and as we make no efforts to ever trace a call, Nightline is a popular choice.”

“Cardiff Nightline is available to students across all four institutions in Cardiff and is staffed solely by student volunteers. A call to Cardiff Nightline is the cost of a local landline call and you may ring to speak to someone anytime between 8pm and 8am during term time on 02920 870555. By the end of the academic year we also hope to launch online listening, which will work in a similar way to an MSN or Facebook chat conversation.”

The charity Journeys supports a network of around 25 self-help groups across Wales. Some are quite informal, with people meeting up to socialise and support each other, and others are more formal with a programme of events, guest speakers and time set aside each meeting to discuss specific topics or try self-help activities. Helen Robinson of Journeys says that “the groups provide a valuable resource to people affected by depression.”

“They help people combat the symptoms of depression that, if left unchecked, perpetuate the illness. They do this through the sharing of information and experiences, learning new skills and by providing motivation to people to get out of the house and to interact with other people.”

“The groups help to combat the self-imposed isolation and withdrawal that is so common in depression, provide a routine – sometimes a reason to get out of bed – and they help people to feel like they are not alone in their experiences.”

“Being with a group of people who have some kind of shared understanding of where you’re at and not having to explain yourself or make excuses is also hugely important, as it may be the only environment in which a person feels they can be honest in, or be free just to be themselves. People also get emotional support from other group members; some people may not have anyone to talk to or may not want to ‘burden’ their family and friends.”

“Giving support to others is a central part of the experience too, as it raises self-esteem and self-worth. And, the bottom line is that it’s good for people’s wellbeing to be around other people – just someone smiling at you can make a massive difference to the way you are feeling.”

Over time, people who attend the groups report that through them they have developed a support network and, more importantly, made friends who help them to get well and to stay well into the future.”

Denise from Students Against Depression stresses the importance of talking about depression to overcome the problem. When asked for her advice to people suffering from depression, she said: “I would hope that they would find the website helpful, but the most important thing for anyone to do is to speak to someone and get support with how they are feeling.”

“Depression thrives on isolation and can spiral downward very easily when a person feels alone with their feelings. There are many small things that can be done to make a big difference to depression, and there are effective ways in which people can be helped – nearly all universities have counselling services where there are experienced people who can help.”

However you choose to deal with depression, it is important to know that there are options out there and you are not alone.

STUDENT PROFILE

Britt Hallingberg is a final year Psychology student who has started her own self-help group to support people with depression.

What made you want to start a self-help group for students suffering from depression?

Besides learning about depression through my degree, like most people I have been in contact with friends and family who have suffered bouts of depression. University is a great experience, but some students find the university lifestyle can be too much, not to mention that life doesn’t always go according to plan! Not having beneficial forms of social support or structure to tackle simple problems adds to our stress and inability to cope on our own. There are wonderful counselling services available, but it may also be comforting to meet others that are in a similar position and it can prevent feelings of loneliness. Importantly, a group of fellow students can share experiences and ideas and help each other. I believe it is vital that students who are just starting to feel depressed or have been for sometime are able to understand that they are not alone and many forms of help exist.

What have you had to do to set up the group?

I got in touch with Journeys and started attending self-help group meetings in Adamstown. I have been on a ‘depression busting course’ and workshops with other self-help group leaders where I have learnt valuable advice on running the group. Besides attending courses, I have had to make contact with the counselling services and the Students’ Union and have kept in close contact with Journeys.

What do you hope people will take away from the group?

I hope more than anything that students can come to the group and feel like they are in a safe, accepting environment where they can meet and talk with others. There will also be meetings where information will be provided about promoting healthy behaviour and tackling stress by guest speakers. I hope that information provided at the meetings help students find ways that fit them to cope and alleviate negative feelings. Students don’t have to be suffering from clinical depression; they can be going through a rough patch or wanting to understand depression to help someone else they may know.

How can people get involved with your group?

They can start by coming to our kick-off meeting on February 16, 6pm in the Gareth Edwards room, 4th floor of the Students’ Union. It will be primarily to explore the expectations and wishes of those attending, and to discuss what the group can provide. Students are welcome to come and go to these meetings as they please and after knowing what students wish to discuss more in-depth there will be a more detailed schedule made. If anyone has any questions they are also welcome to send me an email at hallingbergbe@cardiff.ac.uk